It began just like that and ended even quicker. I don’t regret things in life and I certainly don’t regret October through December of my senior year. It was Abdulla, Me, Odchard and Hussein. Those were my guys. I didn’t know people going to barlow and I wasn’t about to make new friends. I really wish I did looking back on it but you can’t change the past. I just repied on my past friendships and the new one that I made. We had our good times at my house, the park and Hussein’s apartments. That was when the McDonald’s joke started. Odchard and I were bffffff’s. He always wanted to be more but I just don’t see him in that way. Abdulla and I taked every night and I was happy. I think for the first time in my life not everything was perfect but I made the best out of everything. Abdulla and I talked EVERY single night, every God dam night about life, love and everything. I would do this annoying thing where I was so tired, but I still wanted to talk to him so I would fall in and out of sleep until he decided to cut me off for the night. Hussein, I really did like him no bullshit but at the same time no one could make me more mad then he did. I think I left beaverton mad more times then happy. He’s the closest thing that I have had to a relationship and honestly I miss it. We knew each others everything what we liked what we didn’t. The park, the minimarket, my car holds a lot of memories for us. Like Nelly Furtato said “all things come to an end” and in a blink of an eye we all changed and became enemies starting with Hussein.  He didn’t want to take things to the next level and I did so I had to end things. We had a very big falling out to say the least. Words were exchanged. I don’t think I could have hated someone so much until we got into that fight. Everything that I liked about him turned into hate. If he died I really would have been relieved. After that Abdulla and I had a big falling out too when we both changed. He started doing drugs and I started partying. The people we use to make fun of were the people that we became. I cared about him, but I just needed to separate myself because I cared. It breaks my heart to read the messages that we use to write to each other to the ones we do now. Our friendship is over. I didn’t want to admit it because I just am an optimist and I just hoped everything would go back to normal. Poor odchard just got caught up in it all. I hated Abdulla and Hussein so that means I hated him too. I really want to say that they were there for me and they were for the unimportant things. When I lost my house, where were they? No where to be found. I’m just holding on to something that isn’t there anymore. I will be the first one to say that I want things to go back to the way they use to be. I want to gossip about people with Abdulla, I want to walk around North Portland with Odchard, and I want to have a thing with Hussein again. The reality is that it’s not going to happen. I must look like a stupid ass bitch still hanging out with these guys still. 

I just read a one tree hill quote that said something along the lines of “If you want to change, then do it because no one will do it for you.” I’m going to fucking miss that show, it was my childhood, and now it’s gone. Everything that was stable in my life is gone. I am moving from a house that I have lived in for seven years.